Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
