my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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