i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
