He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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