And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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