Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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