i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize