Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
