So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
