My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
