every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
