you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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