we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
