so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
