i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
