her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
