WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
