i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
