I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
