Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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