Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
