she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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