im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we're making bets on your personal life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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