i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
