he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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