Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
