I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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