I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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