im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize