I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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