Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she looked like the before picture.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
