well I can't set my house on fire every night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
