so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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