I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
