I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Drunk is not a location!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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