She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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