I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
