The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
