Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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