he shaved USA in his pubs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
