Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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