I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize