I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
