you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Someone signed my nipple.
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