alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
