You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
