What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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