You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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