Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
