if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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