I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
