We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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