This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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