That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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