Im at strip club and am horny
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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