He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Boobs are out for the taking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
