don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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