You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
