You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
