i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
tell me about the eggs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
