I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
